you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
