you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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