ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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