I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
