She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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