Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize