Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
