I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
