needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
