I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
