Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
