I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
