OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
