i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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