So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
