I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
