Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
