If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is classic penis vs brain.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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