someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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