I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
