just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
