This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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