OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
