I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
