Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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