Cold hands, warm shart.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
