Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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