Just fell off a train. Bad.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
