Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
