We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
