The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
