i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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