just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
