I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
