sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I supernannyed him into submission
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
