My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
