just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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