just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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