He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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