New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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