my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
