Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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