proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
