Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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