I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
handjob tips. give me some.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
