I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found your dick twin last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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