My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
