We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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