maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's when you crack a 10am beer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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