There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
