if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
did i just pee glitter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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