Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
