Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
