I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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