everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
