Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
