Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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