Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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