I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
