you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
