Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
