I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
