I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
