And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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