eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
