I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
