At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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