Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
