Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
