I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
