Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
