I'm pants shitting drunk right now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
