Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
