Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
