I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
