Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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