if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
