I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
